Give Me a Rewrite

I’ve been away in my office polishing my ms for The Twin Jinn. My agent gives great advice. Get rid of the “thats” and most of the “hads” and a lot of the “woulds.” Then he has questions. For me, it’s a great excuse to stay with the characters and the plot. And, the book is better than it was before.

Today, I found a type-written paper tucked inside a folder in my file cabinet. I wrote it in fifth grade for a creative writing class for smart kids I was fortunate to take. It seems the assignment dealt with personification. The teacher called my parents that night to tell them I was a natural writer.

The Tornado

The winds of torment strike the grey sky with evil destructive movements. Its path tears the world apart with its wind. The sun struggles to set the sky afire with its golden sunshine, but is shoved aside to hide with the clouds. Trees sweep the winds hoping for mercy. The sea of grass bows at the sight of this evil destruction. Fields of corn are whipped and left to die for they would not bow and worship him. Mountain tops are bitten off piece by pieces until it too will follow with the others and bow to worship, but the proud mountains stand tall as ever in trying to hold back the winds. The winds of evil torment goes on to finish his evil scheme.

Yeah, yeah, it’s a little over the top, but not bad for a ten-year-old. 


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